Something to do; is perseverance necessary? Maybe I can affirm I’ll be at peace with the current task. The waiting feeling is fine? I want it to be. What do I deserve for my own well-being? Maybe my child-like outlook isn’t beneficial. The innocence beyond adult thinking of the world. These dreams & these fantasies of what the world could be like. Would she understand? Would she still love me? Am I capable of letting go of all expectations?

I want to make the best of this, even if I don’t understand this world. The body of a man, yet the mind of a child. Is it wrong to think this way? Where do I belong? At times I’m scared & I want to cry. What kind of world am I living in? Can I surface the feelings I have? Can I describe the thoughts I want to describe? Putting the time into an effort to show my appreciation. To honor her soul & have dreams for life. This stillness away from her is necessary. It is happening; therefore it is required.

The realization this world is an illusion to a degree. A vacation within adventure; eternal life segmented. Courage to move forward with faith. Destroying the idea I care about her. Protecting myself, I project my own isolation. This needs to be a way to separate. Hermit style life; wishing with imagination. Run the distance, away from her & this dedication. Hide from her smile & rebel against her kindness. Grace holds me innocent & the risks have been taken. Will I need to push further into the unknown? A time for a restful view or an offense with timing.